JustAMask

晚上散步

却不觉孤单

或许是因为

有鬼魂在路灯下等待

我给你瘦落的街道、绝望的落日、荒郊的月亮。


我给你一个久久地望着孤月的人的悲哀。


我给你我已死去的祖辈,后人们用大理石祭奠的先魂:我父亲的父亲,阵亡于布宜诺斯艾利斯的边境,两颗子弹射穿了他的胸膛,死的时候蓄着胡子,尸体被士兵们用牛皮裹起;我母亲的祖父——那年才二十四岁——在秘鲁率领三百人冲锋,如今都成了消失的马背上的亡魂。


我给你我的书中所能蕴含的一切悟力,以及我生活中所能有的男子气概和幽默。


我给你一个从未有过信仰的人的忠诚。


我给你我设法保全的我自己的核心——不营字造句,不和梦交易,不被时间、欢乐和逆境触动的核心。


我给你早在你出生前多年的一个傍晚看到的一朵黄玫瑰的记忆。


我给你关于你生命的诠释,关于你自己的理论,你的真实而惊人的存在。


我给你我的寂寞、我的黑暗、我心的饥渴;我试图用困惑、危险、失败来打动你。



by 博尔赫斯


我根本无法承受

人为什么要接受失败呢?

为什么生命要高于成功呢?

为什么要纠缠于他人的联结呢?

为什么要继承他人的价值观呢?


为什么不燃烧殆尽呢

“你为什么又把朋友圈对我屏蔽了?”

“哦,我还以为你早就屏蔽我了。

而且我废话太多了,怕污染你的Timeline。”

“我现在看鸡汤都会哭”

“那叫自我感动,傻*”

这是 α of Ω

我的梦想死了

不是心脏停搏得一刹那

是阿茲海默症的渐渐留白

我有很多,

很多瓶药

但是都没有吃

因为嘴巴已经被缝了起来


我幻想浪漫的死亡

应该有绚烂的陪葬

而后发现那是我自己


既然死了

就像凤凰一样涅槃

不只是重生啊

是像福克斯一样

在邓布利多的旁边

挡下一发

“阿瓦达索命!”

3.16.16

I should have known. I may have known.


Something is doomed to be forgetton.But this is never one of them.


I will remember. I will never forget. I will revenge. I will never forgive.


It needs to be recollected every single day and every single night in every single dream. I know it will motivate me ,fulfill me, refresh me.


One day, i will look at them, watch their regretting and begging.


Never. Never forget it. 


The macro intepreter has been finished, but debugged.And i will give up sicp for now and move on to Learn your haskell for a great good.


i want to write some practical program, which Scheme, a dynamic type-checking programming language, can't do any help in a huge project. But ,actually , type system is a kind of abstract system, which means type is not necessary in actual computing of computer. So a no type programming language is to be runned, such as assemble. So scheme without type is an language easy to equip a compiler -- which is associated to the 5th chapter of scheme.


Although haskell -- a language with a strong type system and no S-experssion -- is of course much more powerful and much more difficult to have a compiler. But i will use it as the C++ -- more efficient one.



3.15.16

hello everyone, i'm back now.

i tried to accomplish a target to reciting GRE3000 in 2 days which has been abandoned after my one exhausted day. if i were forced to read through sicp, the result might be much better.


BTW, i don't like the 4th chapter of sicp because he tried to use scheme to intepret scheme in a very troublesome way. In the 'eval', there were so many conditions,and a new syntax won't be easy to add in the language.So i'd rather to reach a macro intepreter and a lambda intepreter. I use lambda to intepret all the scheme by macro.


And i may browse the 4th chapter in a quicker way, and then read the 5th chapter -- which is far more interesing when it comes to transplant lambda into a register machine.


i have 5 more books to read, which i will talk about tomorrow. 

Such an  exhausting day.


At first, i could escape the very last exam i would have today,but my parents are too worried and too inconsiderate to bear my avoidance to the exam. They fear the absence of my exam would lead to the drawing back of my offer.


Or other much more terrible things.


What make me angry was their having their own way and controling me as they want : what if i was asked to marry to a female? give birth to a child? to choose to major whatever i even can't stand?


They emphasize their kindness, wisdom & delight, but after this shit, i saw them as disgusting as all the typical failing parents unable to give their children best.



i should forget all this shit.


i decide to watch 'begin again' tomorrow. adam is terribly handsom in all angles. 


i give up to build up a tool chain of scheme on windows which is easily built up in linux, and move up to the DrRacket IDE.Ever since i use emacs and vim(emacs is better i'm sorry), i hate every ide. they seem so heavy, huge and unconfortable. But their seems no way to build up a toolchain for scheme on windows. i may try sometime; but first , i should start my journey in SICP.


Scheme actually is a strong type language-- it even check the interger and float(?) number. i can't solve the problem 1.17 in which i try to use original newton-finding-x-way. i don't want to copy the code on the book--after i have my own code. i will try to debug it.


last thing, i saw a question on zhihu.com, about a user in zhihu cheat others' sympathy to gather huge amounts of money.

https://www.zhihu.com/question/39485226

But what i'm afraid is their internet violence.